Jun En

I'M MISSING HIM AGAIN.......

Who is this cute little boy?

That is my most beloved son, Jun En.

To my Dearest,

Time had pass by so fast. Now you're running around and making faces at everyone. Yet I could not be with you to witness this.

I'll always remember you lying in my arms, using your big and round eyes looking at me, and the sweet smile that always warms my heart. I must admit, I do not have the courage to visit you anymore. Because the warmth in your eyes is no longer there for me. I am a stranger to you now eventhough we had cried together, laugh together and held on to each other before.

That hurt is something that I am not strong enough to bear. And I choose to avoid it. I tried not to look at your photos as whenever I do so I can't help but tear. But knowing you are growing up well makes my hurt easier to bear.

You're going to be 3 this year. You know, everytime I sees other kids running around they always reminds me of you. I haven't even heard you talk before.

I'm really afraid that you'll hate me. Although its something that I've long expected to come. I want you to know that I didn't want to lose you. But I don't have a choice. Or rather he didn't give me a choice. Not that I didn't want to see you again but because they want to get me out of your life.

All I ever wanted was to hug you and hear you calling me...

My little one, whether or not I'll see you again, I'll always be praying for you, hoping you get the best of everything in life and manage your own fate in your hands. I love you.