Live, Laugh & Love - Life is too short to waste it

Some jokes to brighten up your day!!!

A woman visits her accountant to file her taxes. He asks her, "What's your occupation?"

The woman says, "I'm a hooker."

The accountant balks and says, "Oh, that's too crass. Let's try to rephrase it."

"How about prostitute?" the woman suggests.

"That's still too crude." he says.

They both think for a minute, then the woman blurts out, "Let's say I'm a chicken farmer."

"What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?" the accountant asks incredulously.

The woman answers, "I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."

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A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.

When he was slipping in and out of coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, " You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times."

"When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side."

" You know what?"

"What, dear?" his wife asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

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Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble in school and at home.Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, thought he did.

Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behaviour over the past year and write a letter to God and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1

Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend, Leroy

Leroy knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2

Dear God,

This is your friend, Leroy. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you, Leroy.

Leroy knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started over again.

Letter 3

Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you, Leroy.

Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either so he wrote another letter.

Letter 4

Dear God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if

you just send me a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you, Leroy.

Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. By now, Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church. Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked because Leroy looked very sad. " Just be home for dinner, " his mother said.

Leroy walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and pen. Leroy began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5

I GOT YOUR MAMA.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

SIGNED, YOU KNOW WHO.