......

Rarely do I blog at 10am in the morning, especially when I'm having hangover now.

THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A HAPPY POST. The shitty feelings that I'm having now, wonder is it because of menses that I feel this way. Or probably its because of menses that made my emotions and sensitivity stronger.

Don't think that I'll be heading out for drinks le, had sorta a quarrel with Peter over Gordan, cause Gordan was drunk and spouting nonsense to me over the phone. And I went down to look for him cause I know too well how he is like. If I don't, he will be pissed and we will end up quarrelling at home. 

I don't really blog about such things, but I really needed a way to vent it out. Was suddenly in a bad mood yesterday, cause Peter was talking to the girl he like and I was feeling damn fucking bored over there. Called Gordan and told him about that, but instead of "Are you ok?" I'm hearing like "I'm gonna be drunk soon, they having a lot of drinks, you better don't come over." 

So ended up, I'm frustrated on my own again, only difference is that I'm out and not home. And Peter was even asking me why I don't talk to that girl friend of his. The thing is, I don't talk to girls, unless of course people come and talk to me. But the thing is I don't talk girly topics with girls unless of course they are mummies. Its not that I'm not friendly or what, but its just not in my character. Suwen should know what I'm talking about, hor Suwen?

I feel angry that I have to sacrifice so much for Gordan, yet when I'm sad I got no one to depend on. Life is so damn unfair. 

Ever since the divorce, I've never really trusted anyone totally, because I find that people is so unpredictable. Why bother trusting when eventually placing your hopes so high you are going to fall even worse? So I've always been keeping myself out of deeper friendships. Gordan? I don't trust him totally too, but I just don't care because I love him. Yeah, love is super muthafucking blind. 

So now, its back to stay home life again and being Tyler's guai guai Mummy. Wonder how much longer can I take all the shit from people? Blame it on the fact that my tolerant level is super high and I always rather I be the only one who's sad rather than making other people the same. 

Argh, I really need to get over this damn mood.